Having the Hard Conversations Before Baby Arrives

Once we began our research and prepping for the upcoming trimesters, Mika (my girlfriend) and I sat down and had a conversation about what we needed from each other during this next chapter. On paper, that sounds simple. Just talk about what you need, right? But in reality, it was one of the hardest conversations we’ve had.

For me, the difficulty came from knowing that Mika is about to go through one of the most intense, beautiful, and physically demanding experiences imaginable—growing and birthing our child. And here I was, trying to figure out how to express my needs. It felt selfish. I wrestled with guilt for even thinking about asking for support while she was about to carry our baby for nine months.

But I also knew something else: staying silent would only breed resentment down the line. If I ignored my own emotional or practical needs in an effort to be the “perfect supportive partner,” I might eventually start to feel unappreciated or invisible. And neither of us deserves that. So we made a mutual promise—one that has become a foundation for how we’re moving forward:

Open, honest, and constructive communication. Always.

We agreed that if either of us needs something—no matter how big or small—we would speak up. No keeping score. No assumptions. Just honesty and a shared commitment to show up for each other, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The second thing I had to come to terms with was my own instinct to be overprotective. Part of me wanted to treat Mika like she was made of glass, constantly asking if she was okay, if she needed help, if she should be resting instead of walking or cooking or working. But here’s the thing—she’s still Mika. She’s still strong, capable, independent, and knows her limits better than I do.

She reminded me that while pregnancy comes with challenges, it doesn’t mean she’s fragile or incapable. Of course, as things progress, there will come a time when she’ll need more help, and I’ll be there without hesitation. But until then, I had to learn to balance being supportive without being smothering.

This whole journey is one of growth—not just for the baby, but for us as a couple. These conversations are helping lay the groundwork for how we’ll parent, how we’ll show up in tough moments, and how we’ll continue to nurture our relationship alongside this growing little human we created together.

It’s not always easy, but it’s worth every bit of effort. And I’m proud of us for starting early—because communication doesn’t magically get easier once the baby arrives. If anything, it becomes more crucial.